I know
it is already a few days late, but please allow me to still greet you all a
Happy New Year! While 2017 has been a wonderful year for me and my family, 2018
has proven to be my most miraculous year to-date. How? Well, let’s start from
the beginning of last year.
I was
able to participate in our church’s prayer and fasting activity for the first
time and it was really life-changing.
On January 8th-12th of
this year, I participated at our church’s (Every Nation Church Singapore)
prayer, fasting & consecration week and I’ve learned to love God more. The
what-seemed-to-be a week of torture because of not consuming food to energize
my body became a week of blessing and strength for my soul and spirit.
On January 9th,
the second day of fasting, hubby and I went to the hospital to see the doctor
and one of my prayers has been answered. The result of my blood test was good
and was advised to try on our own this month (January) without the help of the
pills she usually gives me. Although there were also other things we discussed,
that “good news” about the result of my blood test was enough for me to hold on
to God’s promises.
It’s
also in this same month that God blessed my husband and I to finally be able to
buy the lot where we will be building our dream house.
February
2018
After so
many years of shelving my love for song-writing, God has awaken my desire to
write songs for Him in this month and wrote my comeback song on 6-Feb-2018
titled “The Wait is Over”.
I also
wrote a song inspired by and dedicated to broken-hearted girls and posted my
very amateur recording online on 14-Feb because let’s face it; while some are
excited to go on their V-day dates, some are still nursing their broken hearts.
March
2018
It’s in
this month that God started to speak to my heart about building my parents’
house. I didn’t know what to do. I knew that it would mean going back to work
but I’ve been a housewife for 2 years already. Aside from I really love staying
at home because I’m such a big home buddy, not working for 2 years means it
would be more difficult for me to find the job that pays higher than my
previous job. But I entrusted it to God. I prayed and trusted Him.
While I
was praying for God’s will about going back to work, I continued studying how
to use garage band to be able to record my songs and though I still have a
looooott to learn, I decided to finally share online my recording of my
comeback song, “The Wait is Over”.
I also did
a one-shot song (wrote and recorded the song in one sitting) inspired by Hebrews
12:11. It’s a reminder song that any form of discipline from the Heavenly
Father is an act of true Love.
April2018
Still on
the page of job-hunting, I didn’t actually really know what job to look for.
All I knew was that I had to keep on praying because when we work, we work, but
when we pray, God works. Despite my strong desire NOT to go back to the
employment world because I really love my life as a housewife, I decided to
simply obey and trust God.
Soon
enough, God answered my prayers. He didn’t just show me what job to apply for.
He basically sent the job right at my doorstep coz it’s not from any of the
posts I applied for. Truly, His ways and thoughts are higher than ours.
I can
still remember when I went to my interview. Jesus was right there with me. How
can I say this? Well, I always knew that I’m not a technical person and I
didn’t have enough experience compared to so many other applicants out there.
But when God says this job is for me, it is for me not because of who or what I
am but because of who God is.
May 2018
I
started at my new job in May. You know what’s even more amazing? Ever since I
moved here in Singapore in 2010, I’ve always wondered how wonderful it would be
to work as part of an IT team in the banking/finance industry just like my
husband. This is even when I actually didn’t have any IT qualifications back
then to begin with. If I previously thought I could actually make it because of
what I believed I was capable of, it was only when I no longer think so highly
of myself that God started to make my dreams (and even my little imaginations)
a reality.
So in
May, I started my work as… you guess it right! As part of an in-house IT team
for a bank. Isn’t it crazy amazing? Even up to this date, I still smile
whenever I remember how God made it all happen.
June
2018
I will
never forget how my sister, my husband and I were able to come home to the
Philippines to surprise my dad on his 60th birthday. God’s so
awesome coz with all the circumstances we faced prior to that date, it seemed
impossible already for my sister to come home. But God proved to us once again
that NOTHING is impossible with Him. It was such a very quick travel but it’s
so worth it.
My hubby
and I also celebrated our wedding anniversary and I just can’t contain my
happiness when he brought me to Kyla and Moira’s concert at Zepp Big Box
Singapore on 17-June. The concert’s amazing and I really enjoyed every bit of it.
July
2018
Well…
aside from it being my birthday month, it was also the month we had our first
makeup sesh with three of our sisters from our LifeGroup, which of course led
to a sleepover at our house.
But life
isn’t always butterflies and rainbows. Today can be about answered prayers
while the next day can be about all the situations you’ve been avoiding to face
for the longest time because of fear that if you do, you’ll mess everything up.
It’s in
this month that I finally confronted the elephant in the closet. My
relationship with my husband is not perfect coz no relationship is anyway. But
in my case, there were things I’ve always tried to avoid discussing but when it
finally blew up in my face, it almost cost us our marriage.
But God
is faithful even when we’re not. Instead of just thinking and then deciding
what step to take, I chose to pray and fast for 5 days to seek God’s will, to
ask for wisdom, to seek His peace.
August
2018
So… I
did pray and fast for 5 days during the last leg of July crossing the first
days of August to seek clarity from God. And on 3rd August, my
husband and I sort of renewed our vows to each other. We faced and discussed
our differences and surrendered them all to God. Together with this, we also
surrendered to God our desire of having a child. We agreed to stop going to the
doctors about any infertility issue and decided to give it fully to the Lord.
Part of what we went through was our struggle of having a baby. We’ve been
trying for 7 years and have tried a lot of things including going to the
doctors and undergoing tests but we’re still childless. So part of the renewal
of commitment that we did was fully surrendering to God our desire to be
parents. It took us this long to finally let go and truly let God take over our
lives.
September
2018
Since
the day my husband and I renewed our commitment to each other and to God, each
day that followed was like a day after a wedding. It felt so fresh, romantic
and overall amazing. Despite the stress we both have from work, the changes in
our relationship made everything else negligible.
We
travelled to Malaysia for a 3Day-2Night stay at Berjaya Langkawi Resort (stay
tuned for my review) and it was like we’re having our honeymoon. Yep! We really
felt rejuvenated and recharged in this trip. I even saw a double rainbow and
made a joke-wish to the Lord that wouldn’t
it be so nice to see double lines on a pregnancy test kit, too. Little did we
know that we would have the best gift of 2018 a few weeks later.
October
2018
It was
on Monday, 8th October that I felt something really weird about my
body. It was more than my usual fatigue. I knew that I was 10-12 days late on
my period but it didn’t faze me because it’s not the first time my period was
late. However, the fatigue I was feeling was more than I could handle. I was
also feeling very dizzy and it’s just weird overall. I asked permission from my
boss to go home early that day as I really wasn’t feeling well.
The
following day, 9-October, I decided to take a PT. I was so used to seeing a
negative result so I had no expectations when I did my test that morning. But
to my big surprise… it came back a very clear positive result. I got 2 lines!
And I instantly remembered the double rainbow I saw in Malaysia the previous
month. I screamed when I told my hubby who was just as thrilled and overjoyed
as I was.
I did
another test 2 hours later and it’s still positive. We went to an OB-Gyne on
that same day to be checked, to confirm if my pregnancy was real and not just
in my head. The doctor confirmed my pregnancy and that I was on my 5th
week going 6th.
That
week was the happiest we’ve ever been. I was always tired and hungry and sleepy
but I was very happy. It’s amazing how God will give you the deepest desire of
your heart when you finally learn to surrender it first to Him. It was just in
August that we made our vows not just to each other but also to God that we
will trust and worship Him with or without a child and then 2 months later,
we’re pregnant!
We had
our 2nd check-up scheduled on 29-October, my husband’s birthday. We
thought it would be the happiest day of our lives to hear for the first time
our baby’s heartbeat on my hubby’s birthday. We were excitedly looking forward
to this date but a few days before it, I have already been feeling weird again.
It’s as if, my body’s telling me something was wrong.
On the
day of the appointment, we were shocked to find out that there’s no baby.
What’s supposed to be a 9-week old fetus turned out to be just an empty baby
sac. We had no words to describe our shock and pain. What’s supposed to be a
day of celebration became a day of mourning. The baby we were talking to every
morning and night was no longer there.
I was
told to wait for a week for my body to bleed it out naturally but a week has
gone by and there was no bleeding.
November
2018
We came
back to the hospital on 7-Nov to check if there’s been any improvement. The
ultrasound confirmed that there’s still no fetus. On that same day, the D&C
surgery was performed. I was terrified. I was in great pain. It was physically,
mentally and emotionally draining. I came home that same day after the surgery
and was on bed rest for the next two weeks.
My
husband and I committed to worshipping God with or without a child. And with what
happened to us, we’re given such an incredible opportunity to prove God that
our commitment to Him is true; that we will praise and worship Him despite our
suffering.
During
this time of agony, I expressed my grief through writing songs.
On the
third weekend of November, my husband and I treated some of our friends from
our LifeGroup a 2D1N stay at Indra Maya Villa in Nirwana Gardens, Bintan
Indonesia.
And on
19-Nov, I came back to work. My first day back to work was really tough but
there were lots of work to do plus I got an email from our HR about my conversion
from contract to permanent employee so my mind got very busy which in a way has
helped me tremendously.
December
2018
My body
was recovering well and things were moving like a whirlwind in office. What I
thought was just a normal conversion of a contract worker to a permanent staff
was actually a promotion. They’re not just converting me to a permanent employee
but promoting me as well to a lead role. While I’m not sure if I’m ready for
it, I seriously think that this is God’s hand at work. So I just followed the
flow and trusted God wherever He would lead me.
By the
way, I’m working based on LOC (Letter of Consent) using my Dependent Pass and
with this conversion, the company told me they will apply for my own work pass.
For God’s glory, the work pass got approved on 31st December. What a
great way to end the year!
***
And remember I went back to work for our
parents house? For God’s glory, it’s nearly finished as of this typing. We’re
looking forward to have them moved in to the new house before the month of
January ends and we will have our house blessing on the last week of February.
Isn’t God truly amazing?
You know what’s super remarkable about 2018? The
journey that God has put me and husband in, the amazing power of the Holy
Spirit that shaped me into someone I never knew I could be and simply, God’s
faithfulness.
From 2010 to date, God has been teaching me
humility and the year of 2018 has taught me that it is only with full
dependency on Jesus that I could learn humility, and that only by the power of
the Holy Spirit that one person can change. Yes we have to have the will to
change but it’s only through the Holy Spirit that we can.
2018 will forever be the year where God really
bent my knees to humble myself before His throne and taught me that if only I
will lay every thing down at His feet, He will sure to give me every thing I
need according to His perfect will and wonderful plans.
God is faithful even when we’re not. Trusting
God will never lead us astray. There is no other way to God’s will and to the fulfilment of His plans for us but through Jesus. There is no shortcut. Yes,
there will be hurdles but God’s comfort will always be with us through Jesus
and the power of the Holy Spirit.
May we
all have a Spirit-filled and meaningful year as we live out the purpose of God
in our lives. A blessed and happy 2019 to all of us!
